{revery alone}

book review: forever faithful: the complete trilogy by karen kingsbury

2012-01-07T16:32:00.001-05:00

This book combines the three books of Kingsbury’s Forever Faithful series into one book. The three books delve into controversial issues and religious rights – bringing the issues home to touch our hearts.

In “Waiting for Morning,” we meet Hannah and her daughter Jenny, a family whose lives are torn apart by a drunk driver. Hannah must face her grief, learn to forgive, and learn to live after death has changed her life forever. Jenny learns that life can continue after great loss and that healing can come.

In a “Moment of Weakness,” we meet Jade and Tanner, childhood friends who are reconnected as young adults. Through a web of lies that tear the two friends apart again, Jade runs away to marry another man and Tanner begins his career fighting for religious freedoms in America. Years later, Jade and Tanner’s paths cross yet again as Jade finds herself the victim in a custody battle of her son. Truth must prevail for Jade and Tanner to heal the wounds of the past and bring hope for the future.

In “Halfway to Fovever,” the characters of the first two novels must face the greatest struggles of lives. Hannah and Matt must face losing another child. Jade and Tanner must face an illness that could separate them forever. The friends must come together and trust the Father in heaven to be forever faithful to them despite the struggles that threaten to tear them apart.

I LOVED reading this series because it deals with issues that we often face in our life and ties in current political issues (drunk driving and religious rights) to raise our awareness of how our lives can be so easily changed forever....and that we have a Friend who is Forever Faithful to be with us through the tough times in life. A must read!

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

book review: departures: two rediscovered stories by robin jones gunn

2011-07-26T20:55:00.001-04:00

Calling all Christy Miller and Sierra Jensen fans! “Departures” by Robin Jones Gunn is a must-read!

Departures is actually two “rediscovered” books about two of Robin Jones Gunn’s best-known characters that captured my heart as a teen.

The first book, “Now Boarding at Gate 10” falls during the summer between Christy’s high school and college years. Christy is back in Wisconsin with her family for her grandparent’s anniversary party. Over the summer, Christy must face her feelings of possibly losing Todd, meeting an old crush from junior high, and learning how to grow a relationship that will last the test of time as her grandparent’s love had.

“In the Event of a Water Landing,” the second book in “Departures,” introduces Sierra Jensen on a summer vacation trip with her best friend Jana. During the summer, Sierra struggles with her conflicting feelings as she longs to stay a tomboy and simply be friends with the guys, while realixing that she is growing up and wants to find that special someone with whom to share her life.

The Christy Miller and Sierra Jensen books teach teenage girls the blessings and benefits of living a pure life before God. I loved these books, both as a teen and even now re-reading them as an adult. Christy Miller and Sierra Jensen can always warm my heart and make me smile!

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

book review: chocolate diaries

2011-06-21T23:06:00.003-04:00

“The Chocolate Diaries” is written to give “choclately” tidbits of advice for life’s journey, taken from other women’s personal experiences. Honestly, I had a difficult time reading this book because I did not feel like there was over-arching theme that allowed the book to flow from chapter to chapter. But, for that exact reason, this would make a great book for the woman “on the go” who only has time stop and read a chapter on lunch break or quickly while the kids are down for a nap.

Each of the chapters are entertaining, light-hearted, and provide a deeper lesson taken from real life experiences to help other women through life’s journey. And the quick “chocolate fix” recipes at the end of each chapter definitely help all us chocolate-loving women out there!

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this HONEST review.

blessings by laura story

2011-04-09T15:07:00.004-04:00

Blessings by Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home,
It's not our home

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of the greatest thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

book review: indivisible

2011-03-31T22:41:00.001-04:00

“Indivisible” tells the story of Police Chief Jonah Westfall as he tries to keep his small Colorado town safe from an animal mutilator and rising drug lords. As he maintains peace in his town, Jonah learns powerful lessons about guilt and bitterness held throughout the years as well as the love and forgiveness that can come with healing.

The lessons in this book were thought-provoking, and plot had potential to be edge-of-seat hair-rising, but I was never able to get into the book. The small town drama progressed slowly and I found it difficult to learn the multiple character profiles in the first few chapters of the book. The characters begin to make sense after the first few chapters, but I never felt like I connected with the characters because there were so many and the storyline kept switching back and forth among them. The best thing about the book was that I did not foresee the ending – and this almost made the book worth reading!

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

to be redeemed

2011-02-17T18:06:00.004-05:00

there are so many disappointments in life that sometimes i think it's hard to see the silver lining - or even believe that one exists behind all of the turmoil of this life! i need frequent reminders that the bad times are there for a reason and that they serve a purpose even if i do not (and may never) understand that reason.

the other night when i was listening to the radio, the song "unredeemed" by selah played, and it reminded me that "all things work together for good to them that love God (romans 8:28)." nothing in my life, no matter how minute or how horrible that i think it may be, will go unredeemed.

"it may be unfulfilled,
it may be unrestored,
but when anything that's shattered is laid before the Lord
just watch and see
it will not be unredeemed."

dreams, hopes, years, lives...broken. dashed. wasted. spent. EACH ONE WILL BE REDEEMED! this reminded me of something that i had read a few weeks ago in mark batterson's book, "soulprint." he says that:

"you'll lose a few battles along the way (of life). but as you look back on your history, i hope you are able to connect the dots. i hope reviewing your history gives you a sense of destiny...God is ordering your footsteps just like He did for david, and you ought to expect some divine delays. but even the disappointments we experience, like david's brothers going off to war while he was stuck shearing sheep, are divine appointments in disguise. and they ought to come with a footnote in fine print: to be redeemed."

i like the thought of God stamping an area of my life "to be redeemed." it means that those tears, those dreams, whatever they may have been, were not in vain. i did not cross that valley in my life just because of some "cosmic fate" or "holy experiment." there was a reason, which is yet to be redeemed!

book review: life, in spite of me

2011-02-07T19:04:00.003-05:00

I have one word for this book: WOW! I'm not sure exactly what I was expecting when I picked up this book to read, but what I found was amazing!

Kristen Anderson begins telling her story where she, as a seventeen year old living a normal American life in Illinois, decides on one lonely evening that life is just too painful to continue. As she is sitting depressed in the park, she hears an approaching train, and decides that she wants all of the chaos of life to simply end so that she can find some peace....so she lies down on the cold tracks as the train approaches.

In nothing short of a miracle, God protects Kristen's life as thirty cars of a freight train rush over her body lying on the tracks. Kristen loses both of her legs that night on the tracks, but over the course of the next few years as she struggles with life and her many losses, she finds a relationship with Christ that was worth the pain that she went through before understanding what she was missing in life.

Kristen’s life story is an amazing testament of how God can work in a life, and transform a person to realize their potential as a child of God. Thank you Kristen for sharing your story of hope with the world!

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

**Please visit Kristen's ministry site at http://www.reachingyouministries.com/ and don't forget to watch her clip from "Oprah" where you can see Kristen share her story.**

book review: finding your soulprint

2011-01-24T21:07:00.000-05:00

Soulprint: Discovering your Divine Destiny by Mark Batterson

We are all part of the human race, but we each have our own fingerprint that identifies us from every other person. But, these fingerprints are only skin deep. On a much deeper level, we each have our own soulprint that uniquely identifies us. Our experiences, desires, passions, and future destinies are what create our unique soulprint.

“The failure to give expression to our soulprints will result in our greatest regrets.”

Although Batterson argues that this book is not a self-help book because we cannot do anything to make ourselves reach our destiny (that’s where God comes in), this is one of the best books in the self-help section that I have ever read! Batterson parallels the life of David and shows how God can redeem our individual failures and mistakes and use those moments to refine us. As we are refined, and all of the pieces of our life come together, we can fulfill our God-designed destiny. Through our uniqueness , we can reveal God’s greatness in His creation and celebrate all that He is.

“Therefore You are great, O Lord God.”

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

book review: caitlyn's journey

2010-12-23T16:51:00.000-05:00

Flight of Shadows by Sigmund Brouwer

I was not aware when I chose to read “Flight of Shadows” by Sigmund Brouwer, that I was choosing to read the sequel to Brouwer’s novel “Broken Angel.” If I had previously read “Broken Angel,” I believe that the reading of the first few chapters of this second novel would have simply been a smooth transition and I would not have struggled to understand the futuristic societies and cultural changes on which the second book is based. However, although reading “Broken Angel” would have provided me with the framework to jump right into the story of “Flight of Shadows,” it was not necessary to have read the first novel to understand and enjoy the continued saga of Caitlyn Brown.

This second book finds Caitlyn Brown in a futuristic America filled with turmoil and strict governmental control. Caitlyn has a genetic abnormality which makes her invaluable to several influential people who will do anything to capture Caitlyn so that they can unlock the secrets found within her genetic code. In this dark portrayal of humanity, Caitlyn can trust no one in her quest for freedom and her desires for a “normal” life. As she struggles to stay ahead of her assailants, Caitlyn learns the significance of her DNA as she comes to terms with her differences and discovers her individual purpose in life.

I enjoyed the fact that Sigmund Brouwer uses this novel to bring up several controversial topics such as war, governmental control, immigration, and faith. Although this book is not written from a strong Christian perspective, there are several sprinklings of Christian ideas throughout. All in all, Brouwer effectively brings up many ideas and leaves them on the table for you to process further in your own. I would recommend this book as a good read for anyone who enjoys the futuristic “sci-fi” genre entangled with current issues and topics for debate. Excellent read!

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

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cain and abel

2010-12-06T21:52:00.000-05:00

i have been doing a lot of reading lately of biblical ideas and views, and last night while i was debating a controversial topic with myself, i worked my way back to genesis and had a thought completely off topic...

we refer to cain as the first murderer. but, was he really the first murderer or just the first recorded murderer?

first, i should state that i am only referring to humans in this thought of mine. no angels, or even satan himself, who Jesus calls a murder from the beginning (John 8:44).

so, moving on with my question...after God told cain that his punishment for murdering his brother was to be a lifelong vagabond, cain responds by saying:

"My punishment is too great to bear!
"Behold, You have driven me this day from the face of the ground; and from Your face I will be hidden, and I will be a vagrant and a wanderer on the earth, and whoever finds me will kill me." (Genesis 4:13-14, NASB)

how did cain know that whoever found him would kill him? if the people alive at that time had never seen or heard of the murder of another human being, i find it difficult to believe that the first thought in their mind would have been to murder cain for his sin. call me naive for that thought if you want, but it leads me to think that murder was already a known evil and that the punishment for a murderer was already firmly in place.

but that's just my thought from late last night. i would be interested in hearing any agreements or disagreements...

pep talk

2010-05-28T19:33:00.000-04:00

don't we all have to do this sometimes??? ;)

little girl gives herself a pep talk

if that link doesn't work, try

Check out this great MSN Video: Little girl gives herself a pep talk

things i've learned....

2010-04-21T22:15:00.000-04:00

i was going to edit this list to only include the ones that were specific to me, but i found that i couldn't take any of them out. so, here are some things that i've learned over the years....

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you'd better know something.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.
I've learned that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it.
I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I've learned that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice…it’s easier to say then do.
I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.
I've learned that I'm getting more and more like my grandma, and I'm kinda happy about it.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I've learned that you should never tell a child his/her dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I've learned that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t biological.
I've learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself, and for some this is really hard to do.
I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.
I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.
I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves get farther in life.
I've learned that many things can be powered by the mind; the trick is self-control…yet again hard to do.
I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.
I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.
I've learned that although the word "love" can have many different meanings, it loses value when over used.
I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.

content

2010-04-05T19:40:00.000-04:00

i'm sitting on my couch with a pink lemonade lollipop with the sliding door flung wide open (i was on the balcony until the rain threatened my computer). watching as the rain floods the parking lot. listening to the thunder rolling across the sky. lightening flashes brighter than day. hearing the soft strains of cindy morgan singing "how could i ask for more"...

....and asking myself, how could i ask for more?

dreams

2010-02-06T22:41:00.000-05:00

a dream is a wish your heart makes
when you're fast asleep.
in dreams you lose your heartaches.
whatever you wish for, you keep!
have faith in your dreams, and someday
your rainbow will come smiling thru.
no matter how your heart is grieving,
if you keep on believing,
the dream that you wish will come true!

- cinderella

Father God

2010-01-21T21:54:00.000-05:00

"let Jesus define what 'father' means and thereby come to know the God Jesus knows"

read I Corinthians 13:4-7 with "God" substituted for "love"
God is patient, God is kind. He does not envy, He does not boast, He is not proud. He is not rude, He is not self-seeking, He is not easily angered, He keeps no record of wrongs. God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

- from "the good and beautiful God" by james bryan smith

rahab

2010-01-20T21:33:00.000-05:00

i've been reading "a lineage of grace" by francine rivers. it's a compiling of five of her books about five biblical women who changed the course of eternity. although i know of all of these stories by heart (tamar, rahab, ruth, bathsheba, and mary), it is refreshing and invigorating to read them from a different perspective.

the second book on rahab has probably had the largest impact on me thus far. i know that the Bible does not give us a clear picture into Rahab's thoughts and life, and any book written like this one is purely fiction, but the woman that rivers portrays is a completely different woman than what i had ever imagined...and i imagine that this rahab is more like the true woman than what i had ever imagined.

i had never before thought about how rahab may have ended up in the lifestyle of a harlot. i never thought about the desperate longing that rahab must have felt for a different life - the longing that led her to search for the one true God of the israelites. rahab's journey of courage, forgiveness, and new life is inspiring....this woman rose above her circumstances, became a child of God, and is counted in the ancestrial line of Christ - how amazing is God's grace?

what faith can do - by kutless

2010-01-13T22:44:00.000-05:00

everybody falls sometimes
you gotta find the strength to rise
from the ashes and make a new beginning
anyone can feel the ache
you think it’s more than you can take
but you’re stronger, stronger than you know

and don’t you give up now
the sun will soon be shining
you gotta face the clouds
to find the silver lining

i’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
hope that doesn’t ever end
even when the sky is falling
i’ve seen miracles just happen
silent prayers get answered
broken hearts become brand new
that’s what faith can do!

it doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
"impossible" is not a word
it’s just a reason for someone not to try
everybody’s scared to death
you may decide to take that step
out on the water
but it’ll be all right

I'VE SEEN dreams that move the mountains
hope that doesn’t ever end
even when the sky is falling
i’ve seen miracles just happen
silent Prayers get answered
broken hearts become brand NEW
that’s what faith can do

life is so much more
than what your eyes are seeing
you will find your way
IF YOU KEEP BELIEVING

overcome the odds
when you don’t have a chance
(that’s what faith can do)
when the world says you can’t
it will tell you that it CAN!

i’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
even when the sky is falling
i’ve seen miracles just happen
silent prayers get answered
broken hearts become brand new
that’s what faith can do!!

even if you fall sometime
you will have the strength to rise...

a lie

2009-12-13T12:52:00.000-05:00

"finche c'e vita c'e speranza"

one art

2009-11-12T22:22:00.000-05:00

"one art"
by elizabeth bishop

the art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

lose something every day. accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
the art of losing isn't hard to master.

then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. none of these will bring disaster.

i lost my mother's watch. and look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
the art of losing isn't hard to master.

i lost two cities, lovely ones. and, vaster,
some realms i owned, two rivers, a continent.
i miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

---even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
i love) i shan't have lied. it's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (write it!) like disaster.

"the anchor holds"

2009-10-03T23:05:00.000-04:00

"the anchor holds" by ray boltz

i've had visions,
i've had dreams,
i've even held them in my hand -
but i never knew
they would slip right through
like they were only grains of sand.

the anchor holds
though the ship is battered.
the anchor holds
though the sails are torn.
i have fallen on my knees
as i faced the raging seas.
the anchor holds
in spite of the storm!

it was in the night,
through the storms of my life -
ohh - thats where God proved His love to me!

may my anchor hold, come what will!

"when God says no"

2009-10-02T23:08:00.000-04:00

notes on charles swindoll's message entitled "when God says no."

God had given david peace on every side - in his country, in his home, and in his heart. he was in the center of God's will and he had a dream. his dream was to build a temple for God to dwell in. but God said no...

david's heart was in the right place. God commended david for having a heart tuned into Him in II Chronicles 6:8. but He still told david "no." "when God says no, it's not necessarily discipline or rejection, but redirection." we need to listen carefully to God from day to day. "we should not go back to some decision and say 'that's it forever, regardless!'"

i forget so easily that the dreams of the past are not wasted. they were a part of my life for a reason, with a specific purpose - even though i may not understand that purpose now since it seems so worthless. i tend to focus on how life is not turning out the way that i had planned. my plans were good - they focused on God and actively serving Him! how could that be wrong? but God may do the same for me that He did for david...He loves my heart tuned in to Him, but He is telling my dream "no" and redirecting me to another area to use me for His glory! i just need to daily listen and follow, accepting His will in my life!

scars

2009-07-06T00:52:00.000-04:00

i look daily at my scar from the accident last summer - i hate that scar. it is displayed prominently for all to see and there is little that i can do to hide it's ugliness. when i look at the scar, i remember the helplessness, the loneliness, and the pain. and though i wish that scar trully would fade, there is another scar that is seared upon my heart...a wound that was cut so deeply that it almost cost me everything.

leave that scar, O God, so that i remember. i never want to forget the work that You have done in my life, and i never want to stray from Your will. i will follow You down any road, at any cost, for my hope is in You!

"Heal the Wound" by Point of Grace

I used to wish that I could rewrite history
I used to dream that each mistake could be erased
Then I could just pretend
I never knew the me back then

I used to pray that You would take this shame away
Hide all the evidence of who I've been
But it's the memory of
The place You brought me from
That keeps me on my knees
And even though I'm free

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

I have not lived a life that boasts of anything
I don't take pride in what I bring
But I'll build an altar with
The rubble that You've found me in
And every stone will sing
Of what You can redeem

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

Don't let me forget
Everything You've done for me
Don't let me forget
The beauty in the suffering

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

my hands

2009-03-15T00:55:00.000-04:00

"If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these...

"I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear...

"In the end only kindness matters
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray...

"My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
We are never broken

"We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's mind
We are God's hands
We are God's hands"

-"Hands" by Jewel

i do not care what others may say and what others may do...i will rise. i will be more than what this world desires me to be. i will help. i will comfort. i will show the hope of Christ to others with my life and my actions.

it is hard. i get upset. i want to scream in frustration. but these are MY hands and what i do with them is my responsibility. and i am NOT alone. there ARE others who feel as i do, and together we will rise and we will be the hands of God to a hurting people.

there is hope.

there is healing.

after the storm

2009-03-08T19:33:00.000-04:00

as i left for church this evening, the sun was shining and the temperature was perfect - it was a great day to be alive! but at some point during the church service, the rain began to come...it came in torrents and soon i heard the city sirens blaring warning us of possible tornadoes in the area. i waited after church for the rain to die down enough for me to walk to my car without becoming soaked, and drove the twenty minutes home wishing that the storm would go away and we could have back the nice afternoon weather. until i saw the sky, that is. the sunset after the storm was beyond lovely. the colors blended together in breathtaking beauty that man can never replicate. the beauty in the skies and hanging in the air after a storm is something that the only way we can witness, is to go through the storm.

that of course made me start thinking about my life and the storms that i am going through and have gone through in the past. they may be tough. while in the thick of the storm, there may be fear and even panic. a lack of understanding and deep mistrust. we may even wish for the period of contentment that we had before the storm. but, there is a purpose in the storm! through the lessons of the storms of our lives, God will help us to grow and will refine our lives into something beautiful. somthing so breathtaking, that after the storm, even though we may remember the storm, we will be able to look at our lives and see the beauty of the sunset after the storm and know that God not only walked with us through the storm, but used it to create something so beautiful that we will stand in awe of His mighty handiwork. He is worthy of our praise!

i do...

2009-03-04T23:05:00.000-05:00

"Do I Trust You, Lord" by Twila Paris

Sometimes my little heart can't understand
What's in Your will, what's in Your plan.
So many times I'm tempted to ask You why,
But I can never forget it for long.
Lord, what You do could not be wrong.
So I believe You, even when I must cry.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the river flow?
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the north wind blow?
You can see my heart,
You can read my mind,
And You got to know
That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith
In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Do I trust You?

I will trust You, Lord, when I don't know why.
I will trust You, Lord, till the day I die.
I will trust You, Lord, when I'm blind with pain!
You were God before, and You'll never change.
I will trust You.
I will trust You.
I will trust You, Lord.
I will trust You.

i needed you....

2009-02-12T21:05:00.000-05:00

i waited for you today
but you didn't show
no, no, no...
i needed you today
so where did you go?
you told me to call
said you'd be there
and though i haven't seen you
are you still there?

i cried out with no reply
and i can't feel you by my side
so i'll hold tight to what i know
you're here and i'm never alone

- never alone by barlow girl

you're not alone...ever

2008-09-29T20:03:00.000-04:00

it's me again! and, i am in another contemplative mood. i have been doing a lot of thinking since the accident and i am still praying that God can use that moment as a life-changing circumstance in my life.

as i have sat at home pondering my life (and lack thereof) i have realized anew my God-given desires and goals. there are going to be some changes in my life over the next few months...some people will like what they see...others will not. but i'm not trying to please people. i am trying to please God with my life and allow Him to use ME - my personality, my talents, my LIFE.

i know that God is with me. this is a constant battle for me and is something that i will probably forever struggle with - but as i rolled down that mountainside a month ago, feeling the crushing weight of a large atv landing on my body, crushing me to the rocks underneath me - realizing that i might not live to see another day, that my mother might come to find my body strewn across the rocks - as i cried out to God, i had a peace that i have never had before. a peace that even though i have cried and had moments of doubt since, it has not completely left me in the past weeks. i am not alone! God is with me. He is my Lord and Refuge! I will praise Him!

i have been listening to a Meredith Andrews CD for the past few days - this particular song has been on my mind for a few months now, but it's message still strikes so true to my heart - "You're Not Alone"

I search for love, when the night came, and it closed in, I was alone, but you found me, where I was hiding, and now I'll never ever be same, it was the sweetest voice, that called my name sayin

You're not alone, For I am here, let me wipe away your every fear, My love I've never left your side, I have seen you through the darkest night, And I'm the one that who's loved you all your life, All of your life

You cry your self to sleep, cause the hurt is real, and the pain cuts deep, all hope seems lost, with heart ache your closest friend, and everyone else long gone, you've had to face the music on your own, but there is a sweeter song that calls you home, saying

You're not alone, For I am here, let me wipe away your every tear, My love I've never left your side, I have seen you through the darkest nights, And I'm the one who's love you all your life, All your life

Faithful and true... Forever, For my love will carry you...

You're not alone, for I... I am here, let me wipe away your every fear... Oh yeah, My love I've never left your side, I have seen you through your darkest night,
Your darkest nights,
And I'm the one that's loved you all your life...
All of your life

i've faced the music with everyone long gone...my fears have been so real i could feel them touching me...the hurt is real. but i want to use this pain to help someone else realize that GOD NEVER LEAVES YOU ALONE!!! it may feel like it, and it may feel like it for weeks or months, but i promise that He is there! He never forsakes His own!

For He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!] - Hebrews 13:5, Amplified Bible

Day 30

2008-09-22T21:02:00.000-04:00

well, today is day thirty since my accident and i have decided that my leg doesn't look so incredibly gross by now, so i am going to post a picture.

if you are easily grossed out, i apologize, but if that is the case, you really did NOT want to see my bone a few weeks ago...that was nasty! (and oh so cool in a dark and twisty way!) i really think the cut is now quite smaller than it originally was and it doesn't look like i will have the dent that the ER doc promised me that i would have! i am worried that all of the purple from the burn will not go away with time, but i have been assured by a pre-med student that it will and to use some scar salve (which began a discussion on the correct pronounciation of salve...we eventually decided that it is correctly pronounced "ointment"). there is an area about the size of a large thumbprint in which i have no feeling, but i am hoping that with time the nerves will heal themselves. if not, i guess that i won't feel pain when i cut myself shaving! (trying to see the positive here, okay?!) but, all in all, it is healing great! the slight swelling at my ankle, muscle spasms, and aches are all normal and i have almost full mobility of my foot so long as i don't mind a little muscle pulling! so, onward to healing!

the last leaf

2008-09-07T19:58:00.000-04:00

i just finished re-reading "when the last leaf falls" by bill myers, a novella based on the short story "the last leaf" by o. henry. (yes, i am an early american literature fanatic and HAD to buy this book based on one of my favorite short stories!)

myers version of the tale tells the story of a girl named ally dying of cancer - the doctors tell her that her chances of survival are slim and she should be gone in weeks...and her hopes are dashed.

the days go by and ally's health deteriorates quickly as cool weather of fall sets in. as she lies in her bed in her room, she stares out the window and watches the leaves on a tree change color and fall to the ground, realizing that her life too is changing and she will soon fall to the ground, never to rise again. she will hold on, she promises, until the last leaf on the tree falls. when that leaf falls, she will breathe her last, but not a moment before.

the stormy winds of autumn come and the leaves of the tree fall in abundance, but a few stragglers remain. winter winds begin to blow but ally is still holding on to life because there are a few leaves left. soon the snows and cold winds of winter come in all of their harshness, and all but one leaf remains....one lonely leaf separates ally from loosing all hope and giving in to the cancer.

but each day as ally wakes and looks out her window, she sees that the leaf is still there - holding on and braving the worst that the winter that throw at it. so, each day, she rises and gives her best to win her battle against the cancer. she must do her part and not die before the last leaf falls.

spring comes and the leaf is still holding on to the branch - ally survived the winter and beat the cancer - but how can a leaf not fall from a tree? ally, now able to leave her room, goes outside and undertanding dawns as she finds that the leaf she had been watching and waiting to fall all winter long was actually painted on the wall of the house next to which the tree grew...her grandpa, ailing in health who had passed away over the long winter that ally had survived, had years ago traded in his lifetime of preaching to attempt to paint a beautiful masterpiece before he took his last breath. he never did succeed in painting a picture worth of an art gallery that people for generations to come would recognize, but his final piece was a little leaf on the side of building...a leaf which saved the life of his granddaughter because it renewed her hope each and every day.

i may never paint a monet or van gogh in my lifetime, but i pray that i, just as ally's grandpa, can use my talents to help someone and make a difference in their life. who knows? maybe someday i too will create a masterpiece that can forever change someone's life.

my promise

2008-09-06T15:40:00.000-04:00

it is two weeks today since the fourwheeler accident! the stiches came out yesterday and when i woke up today i could actually see both ankle bones! this is fabulous news to me because my foot has been so swollen that not only did it hurt terribly to put pressure on it, but i didn't have a single shoe in my closet that would fit on it! of course, now the doctor wants me to wrap my foot in the bandage as well, i STILL can't fit a shoe on my foot, but hopefully in a few days enough strength and circulation will have returned that i can just wrap the wound again. the doctor expects another month of healing time, but now that i can hobble around on it pretty well and i am perfecting the art of driving with both feet, i am hoping for full recovery and seeing an end to this painful chapter!

i really do have to thank God through this whole accident and healing process. i know that His hand of protection was on us as the fourwheeler flipped back over on to my brother and i and as we tumbled down the mountainside. something that i have only shared with one person up to now is what my cousin saw the night of the accident and how i am clinging to that promise. my cousin chris, who is about a year younger than me, has down's syndrome. he functions pretty well for the limits that his condition has placed on his life, though he will never be able to live on his own. the night of the accident, after the ambulances had taken my brother and i to the hospital, chris looked up into the sky and saw a rainbow - a rainbow that no one else in my family was able to see. i am not one to believe in "signs and wonders" - i never have - but i do believe that the handicapped have a connection with God and the spiritual world that those of us with "normal" functioning bodies and minds cannot possess. i kept the rainbow that chris had seen a secret - first because of the strangeness of it, then because of the personal promise that i have found in it. i am well aware of how serious that accident could have been. i saw the helmet that i was wearing, i saw the hill that we tumbled down, and i know that fourwheeler could have landed on me much harder than it did and caused serious internal damage. i am grateful to be alive. this gratefulness is strange to me because of the struggles that i have had in the past year and the inability that i have had to see "the big picture." i am now clinging to that rainbow, and its promise, that it is not my time to leave this earth yet and that i still have something special to do with my life for the glory of God. i have a hope that my life can be used by God and my aim right now is to try to keep a positive attitude through the next month of the healing process then i want to start to live my life as it should be, with God's love for people in mind. because...how can i know how much my smile may mean to a stranger? caring strangers have opened doors, made me smile, and bettered my day and my life. how can i know how much a covered dish will mean to the family or individual in need? i know how hard it was to fix myself a meal over the past weeks, can i help someone else and alleviate their pain? how can i know how much a visit will mean to the shut-in? i am acquainted with loneliness - can i help to relieve that burden for another and in the process show them the hope for their own life?

it has been rough being unable to take care of myself over the last two weeks and it has really opened my eyes. now that i have learned this lesson the hard way, i want to use it to be a blessing...i want to share my promise with other people - God will never leave you because HE LOVES YOU!

thankful

2008-08-29T17:17:00.000-04:00

wednesday was my mother's fiftith birthday, so to surprise her, my aunt planned a party at her house in PA this last weekend. my brother (who lives in baltimore) and i were the biggest surprise because mom had no idea that we were in town - you should have seen the look on her face when she saw me! it was definitely worth the drive!

the party was a really good party - one of the best that i have been to in a long time - and mom was a good sport with all of the gag gifts! unfortunately, all that starts well does not end well...as the party was ending, tim drove up to me on my uncle's fourwheeler and wanted to take me on a drive. being the good sport that i was, i said yes and traded my sunglasses, camera, and sandals (which wouldn't stay on) for a helmet and hiked up my skirt for a ride in the countryside. (it really is pretty in PA, by the way.) tim is really good on a fourwheeler, especially when he has me on board, but bad things do happen. we had driven about a mile when we came to a steep rock hill that i questioned whether we would be able to go up. tim thought we could, so up we went. we made it about 3/4 of the way up when i was unable to hold on to tim anymore and a rock rolled underneath us, sending us flipping backwards. because i was already falling off, the flip knocked me to ground and i rolled separate from the fourwheeler and tim. i flipped head over heels on the ground, with tim and the fourwheeler landing on me twice before i slid to a stop. tim stayed with the fourwheeler - we think he may have been caught on it somehow - and slid to a stop further down the hill while the fourwheeler bounced down the hill and off to the side into the weeds.

it was dead silence. during all of this, all i could hear was the scraping and tumbling of rocks as our bodies and the fourwheeler tumbled down the mountain, but now, even the little rocks had ceased to tumble and all was silent. then i heard the scream of pain going through my head and the sweet beckoning of unconsciousness. tumbling head over head, trying to tuck and roll, the only thing flashing through my mind had been "so this is how it feels to be crushed and beat to death." but i had survived and i was not going to listen to the voices of pain or unconsciousness that were begging for control. i checked my body for current state of well being and realized that i could see my bone on my leg. no, i couldn't focus on that - and that wasn't even what hurt. i had to find tim and i had to get off this mountain. it was a long walk, and no one would miss us for a half hour, but i couldn't think about that. i had to focus on one step at a time. about that time, tim yelled up to me and asked if i was okay, i yelled down that i needed a hospital because i could see my bone. tim fortunately had his cell and had signal to call dad. he came up the hill and ripped off a piece of his undershirt for tie around my leg, but couldn't because he fell over holding his head in pain. he hadn't been wearing a helmet and the fourwheeler landed on his head. i didn't know how long it would take for help to come and i knew we had to get off that mountain.

tim got up and actually tried to carry me before he fell over again. i told him to walk in front of me and let me put my hand on his back - just walk. he was on an adreniline high and in spite of the fact that he was sure that his ankle was broken, he was a stone's throw ahead of me when mom, dad, and uncle mearl made it up to us in the explorer. we loaded up and drove down to the house - dad trying to call the house on his cell the whole way to see if the ambulance was there yet or if he should just take us to the hospital. unfortunately, we had no cell reception - but this makes all the more of a blessing that tim had cell phone reception at the scene of the accident and was able to call for help.

by the time that we made it to the house, i had assessed my injuries and knew that my only major problem was my leg. tim on the other hand was going to need some attention because of his head trauma and it was looking like he had broken his ankle. when my cousin came over, i started spitting out instructions on getting ice, water, insurance cards, and my backpack and laptop because i was going to in for a long ride and hospital stay at altoona due to some torn muscle and whatever reconstruction that was going to require. i also requested my camera because i wanted a picture of my bone before the EMT's arrived and took control!

when the first of the EMT's arrived i insisted they take tim first because of his head trauma. i eventually got a nice (rather cute) EMT whom i would like to thank for joking back with me and talking me through what he was doing! he told me that i would be going to altoona, but in the end we were both wrong and they took both tim and i in the same ambulance to jc blair (a local band-aid hospital) for treatment.

i think everyone thought i was in shock because i was handling everything so calmly and joking around with the nurses and doctor, but i really did handle everything very well for the next few days. the seriousness of the accident was not lost on me, however. i saw the helmet i was wearing. if i had not been wearing that helmet, best case scenario would have been a life-flight and month's of recovery with possible brain damage. i am thankful to be alive. my surface abrasions look terrible, but i can handle looking like i got in a fight with a wildcat and lost, so long as i can live to tell about it! i am extremely fortunate that the only major injury that i acquired was my leg muscle being torn.

mom and dad drove me back to cincinnati on tuesday and my good attitude officially died on wednesday and thursday as i realized that my leg should be healing and instead i am unable to move my foot. after some research, i found that the muscle that i had severed is the muscle that allows you to draw your foot back up when you take a step - which explains why i couldn't move my foot! but movement should have been returning as the muscle healed and the stiches bound, painful as it might be, i should have been able to move - but it wasn't painful. it just wouldn't move. i made several calls trying to see an orthopaedic doctor but was hitting dead ends. i scheduled an appointment with my family doctor - who was out for a family emergency, so another physician was nice enough to stay late and see me - and he made the referral for me to see an orthopaedic doctor this morning after he told me of possible tendon and nerve damage due to the types and locations of pain that i was having.

so this morning, it was off to the doctor again to have more x-rays and poking. i am really glad that i was able to get in to see this doctor as he has assured me that there is no long-term tendon, muscle, or nerve damage. i do have new instructions for taking care of the wound itself so that it will heal, and i have to follow-up in a week to have my stiches removed and make sure that mobility is returning as i excercise my foot and leg muscles, but all is going to be just fine.

a special thank you to brad, jackie, and mr. and mrs. miles for driving me around this week as i have been utterly incapable of driving!

roses from jackie
(my favorite)

Miracle of the Moment

2008-05-17T13:21:00.000-04:00

Miracle of the Moment
by Steven Curtis Chapman

It's time for letting go
All of our "if only's"
Cause we don't have a time machine
And even if we did
Would we really want to use it
Would we really want to go change everything

Cause we are who and where and what we are for now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment

There's only One who knows
What's really out there waiting
And all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know
Is He's out there waiting
To Him the future's history

And He has given us a treasure called right now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment

And if it brings you tears
Then taste them as they fall
Let them soften your heart
And if it brings you laughter
Then throw your head back
And let it go
Let it go, yeah
You gotta let it go
And listen to your heartbeat

And breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment

~*~

i've heard this song many times before but never listened to its words. as i'm sitting here (still in bed even though it is afternoon because i have been pondering my life and it's direction for the last few hours) i realize again that i can't change the past and i don't know that i even would if i could because it is who i am, like it or not. what i do have is RIGHT NOW. God has given me this moment to sing and dance and that is a miracle! so today, i will try to praise Him for Who He is to me and even if the waves of pain wash over my body by evening, i will praise Him still for a morning of no pain or fear and i will learn to thank Him for walking with me through the pain so that i needn't face it on my own. He is great and greatly to be praised!

thank You for the miracle of this moment spent with You!

what do YOU think?

2008-01-31T10:17:00.000-05:00

a question was posed to me this morning which has made me start to wonder...what was the best thing before sliced bread? the concept that there was a time before sliced bread had never registered in my mind! amazing what we take for granted, isn't it? but pre-industrial revolution, one did not simply go to the grocery store and purchase a loaf of sliced bread! thank you Wonder Bread for your part in making the wonder of pre-sliced bread a nationwide experience!

oh, and to answer the question...i think it was ice cream. i know, that seems to be my answer to all of life's difficult problems, but have you ever read the history of ice cream? it's roots go back to the ancient greeks and even emperor nero apparently had a weakness for ice cream! long live ice cream! :)

reflecting

2008-01-03T20:26:00.000-05:00

i promise that i will soon put up some pics of new year's eve and how we brought in the new year, but for now i just want to reflect on the last year and what it means to me.

2007 was a very difficult year for me. my most difficult year ever - and though i won't delve into any details, i do want to say how much that i am learning to trust in God and how much that i love Him for showing His love to me when i was beyond hope. i have learned that even when i thought i had hit rock bottom, i could still go so much lower...and when i was that low, not only could i not help myself, but no one else could reach me either. God really was the only one who was able to reach through that dark valley and find me - barely breathing - because all of life and hope had been stripped away. and you know what He did? He held me. He didn't kick me in the seat of the pants (sorry, ahem, skirt) and tell me to gut it up and keep on walking...He knew that I couldn't walk...couldn't stand...and He reached down and held me. and there i learned (as natalie grant says in her new song, "better hands") that "there is hope when my faith runs out, 'cause I'm in better hands now." and now that i am in His hands, the nightmares have ceased. the panic is replaced with peace. "i am changed, yesterday is gone...it's like the breath of Jesus is right here in this room." i know that the road ahead is not an easy one - life is a journey and the best journeys are filled with many different experiences, both enjoyable and challenging (aka difficult). but God never promised that life would be easy. He promised that He would go with me. and to that promise i will cling. i believe Hebrews 13:5: "I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]" (Amplified Version)

to God i give all of my love, because He will never leave me and He will always love me.